Song Title Challenge #17: Living With A Hernia – “Weird Al” Yankovic

It’s time for this week’s Song Title Challenge, back after a week’s absence.

Write a short piece of fiction, around 300 words, using the song title as your story title but don’t listen to the song.  You can pick your own genre or use the one suggested to me.  Remember to link back to this post so I can find yours.

If you would like to suggest a song title for a future post, you can do so from the challenge page.  You can also leave a suggestion on the Facebook page.

This week’s song is Living With A Hernia by “Weird Al” Yankovic and the genre is Historic Fiction.  Thanks to bumblepuppies for the suggestion.

Living With A Hernia

I had brought down a monster of a boar.  It was so large that three of us had to roll him over to skin.  I braced myself against the beast and pushed.  A pain like I had never felt before exploded in my groin and I could only lie there and whimper.  The men had to carry me back to the house.

Charlotte summoned the healer after she saw the angry red bulge in my loins.  He proclaimed it to be an imbalance of the humours and prescribed leeches.  I had never held with leeching and sent for a physician from London.

After a brief examination he diagnosed it as a hernia, a rupture in the wall of my gut.  By this time all the tenants were gathered outside and he fetched the four strongest to hold me down.  When he placed a leather strap between my teeth I knew what I was in for, or so I thought.

“If I don’t push your guts back into place it can become strangled which will lead to putrefaction and death,” he explained as he palpated the protrusion.  The only word I got was “death”.  Then everything exploded in white hot pain as he suddenly pushed down.

When I woke Charlotte was bathing me with a cool cloth.  There was a tight bandage around my upper leg, but the pain was slightly better.  She explained that the physician had ordered I not remove the bandage for at least a week and avoid activity like lifting, riding and excessive walking.  The wound would close over time, but there will always be a weak place that could easily open up again.  In short, I would always be living with a hernia and the threat of pain it brings.

Copyright © 2013 Herman Kok

And here’s the song for your enjoyment.  “Weird Al” indeed…

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