Song Title Challenge #50: Ninety-Nine Bottles of Beer on the Wall

It’s time for this week’s Song Title Challenge.

Write a short piece of fiction, around 300 words, using the song title as your story title but don’t listen to the song.  You can pick your own genre or use the one suggested to me.  Remember to link back to this post so I can find yours.

If you would like to suggest a song title for a future post, you can do so from the challenge page.  You can also leave a suggestion on the Facebook page.

This week’s song is the immortal American classic, Ninety-Nine Bottle of Beer on the Wall Guess who suggested it.  No, really.  Guess.  Bumblepuppies reckoned this song will make a good thriller.

Ninety-Nine Bottles of Beer on the Wall

Parker pointed his toes and silenced his beeping wristwatch.  He popped the vertebrae in his neck and checked his cover – no sense in having a traffic chopper spot him.  He pulled the stock of the M93 against his shoulder and peered through the scope.

He waited for another ten minutes before the green Honda CR-V rounded a corner a mile and a half away.  Parker followed its progress down the street to where it turned up the driveway of a house with a large old oak in the front garden.  The doors opened and a boy and a girl dressed in the uniform of the local grammar school got out, closely followed by his target.

It had all started with ninety-nine bottles of beer on the wall.  O’Brien had bet him that he couldn’t shoot all of them from a mile away without missing at least once.  Parker had needed only ninety-seven bullets.  O’Brien had laughed and had bought him a drink, but Parker knew he could do better.  Bottles of beer didn’t move.  He had ninety-five for ninety-five so far, each one in a different country.  Wouldn’t want the powers that be to start throwing around the words, “serial killer”.

He chambered the round and flicked off the safety as Jane approached the front door.  It took only a moment to check his markers and he adjusted the scope to account for the light breeze.  Jane put down her shopping and dug in her purse for the house keys.  Parker centred the scope on the back of her head.  As she slipped the key into the lock he exhaled, and squeezed.

The sharp report was followed a second and a bit later by a red fountain on the white door.  Shame about the kids, Parker thought.  They’ll probably need therapy.

Copyright © 2014 Herman Kok

I feel the need, before the song, to add the following disclaimer:  Excessive consumption of alcohol is harmful to your health and may negatively effect the quality of life of both you and those around you.  Please drink responsibly, and never drink and drive.

6 thoughts on “Song Title Challenge #50: Ninety-Nine Bottles of Beer on the Wall

  1. I saw those “Naked Gun” movies. Only later did I realise that Leslie Nielsen had also been in “Forbidden Planet”, back when he was a serious actor and spaceships just HAD to look like flying saucers.


  2. When I used this song for a post, I had wanted to find a video of the Naked Gun version. That’s the best.

    And I don’t see why large quantities of alcohol might ever be considered irrelevant to a thriller…


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