Song Title Challenge #3: If I Ever Get Around to Living – John Mayer

It’s time for this week’s Song Title Challenge.

Write a short piece of fiction, around 300 words, using the song title as your story title but don’t listen to the song.  Remember to link back to this post so I can find yours.

If you would like to suggest a song title for a future post, you can do so from the challenge page.  You can also leave a suggestion on the Facebook page.

This week’s song is If I Ever Get Around to Living by John Mayer.  Thanks to Emma at A Wordless Blogger for suggesting it.  I had lots of fun writing it.  Hope you do too.

If I ever get around to living

Get a life.  Get a life, he said.  My kid brother thinks he’s so funny.  Just because you shit thunderbolts it doesn’t mean you’re the lord of creation, bro!

Sorry.  Sometimes I just lose it.  You don’t understand how stressful it is running the Underworld.  You lot up there kill each other off so quickly I can barely keep up with the housing.  And it’s not like I have a bunch of demons to do my bidding like my opposite number over in Hell.  The minions down here want “fair wages” for their work.  Fair wages, I tell you.  Between you and me, that union rep is now keeping Kronos company in the darkest corner of Tartarus.

Speaking of wages, Charon is threatening to strike again.  I had to start paying him as well – since you lot converted to a cashless society no one has been able to pay passage over the Styx.  Now he’s claiming I owe him back pay for the past three millennia and he wants overtime to work on religious holidays.  I ask what religion, he says all of them.  That leaves about three days a year that are not holidays.  I can’t afford that.

Then I have to take Cerberus for walkies every day, the torture pits haven’t been mucked out in over a month, and Persephone just texted to say she’s cutting her holiday short and returning two months early, with her mother.  You wanna know where JK got her idea for dementors?  Hint.  Mummy-in-law’s name is Demeter!

And to top it all, Zeus and Poseidon keep sending their bastard brats down here to mess with my operations.  They don’t understand the paperwork involved every time someone escapes down here.

Get a life?  I’m telling you now, if I ever get around to living, I’m marching straight up Mount Olympus to give those two a piece of my mind.

Copyright © 2013 Herman Kok

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