Friends, readers, random spambots crawling this blog, there’s something I need to tell you.

First, I’m a bit disappointed in you all.  Here I say I have a very important announcement coming up and out of all 164 followers (of which, admittedly, more than a few don’t really exist) only Bumblepuppies cared to take a guess.  Well, I can assure you my wife isn’t pregnant, and neither am I (though that would have been something, wouldn’t it?), but thanks for playing along.

My announcement is bigger than this.  Actually, I’m not sure I should reveal this.  The implications could potentially reverberate across all of space and time.  Oh, well.  Let me just tell you and what will be, will be.  Here goes.

I’m the Doctor.

You heard me.  I’m the Doctor.  The Oncoming Storm.  Destroyer of Daleks and Cybermen.  The guy in the bow-tie.  Okay, so I don’t have one of those.  I don’t have a fez either.  Nope, no TARDIS, and last time I checked I had only one heart.  But I tell you I’m the Doctor.  Otherwise, why would I have this:

One fact that has been very firmly established in the Whoverse is that the Doctor has only ever given his sonic screwdriver to one person, and as I’m not a buxom blonde with a proclivity for high-powered handguns, that can mean only one thing:  as I have the sonic, I must be the Doctor.

“It’s a fake,” I hear someone scream from the wings.  I forgive your scepticism.  I’m sure there are many impostors and charlatans running around under the mantle of so-called cosplay, but I assure you this is no cheap replica.  It works (though not on wood).

I point it at my television and it switches on.

I twist it to one side and the volume increases; to the other and it decreases.

I flip it up, or down, and I browse through the channels.

And the tip lights up and it makes that wibbley-wobbley-timey-wimey sound and everything.

It’s the coolest thing I have ever owned (and that’s saying something as I own a replica of Sting (Bilbo and Frodo Baggins’s sword from the Hobbit and LOTR movies), a sword cane, a replica bastard sword, a venetian quill pen and a mariner’s telescope, very similar to the one Barbosa uses in Pirates of the Caribbean – At World’s End.

I got some belated birthday cash from my dad as he didn’t know what to get me and I couldn’t tell him what I wanted.  Then I remembered about the 11th Doctor Sonic Screwdriver Universal Remote Control.  It’s a bit expensive, so I would never have bought it for myself, but if someone else is supplying the funds…

It’s very well-made.  The metal parts are actual metal, it’s very sturdy (though slightly lighter than the “real” one used by Matt Smith on the show), and it really does control the TV (and DVD player, sound system, iPod dock and even lights if you fit an infrared receiver to the switch).  And have I mentioned it’s incredibly cool?

To add to the coolness, the instruction manual is a fold-out with the blueprints to the sonic screwdriver on the back.  It’s full of interesting information about the sonic, like that it has forty-nine mechanical components, a weight in Earth-gravity of 2.1N and a length of 2.33 x 10^-17 light years.  There are also blueprints for fish fingers and someone has spilt custard on the back (if you have no idea what I’m talking about I really don’t know why you’re still reading this).

If you’d like one for yourself (there’s one that looks like the tenth Doctor as well), the page linked to above contains links to all the major online retailers stocking it, though if you’re in South Africa your best bet is The Gadget Shop – their service is really excellent.

You can probably guess what I’ll be using to switch on the telly come the 50th Anniversary Special next week.  Speaking of which, have you seen the trailers yet?  There’s two.

And if that hasn’t excited you, Steven Moffat and the good folks at the BBC have released a little mini-episode this week to whet our appetites.  It resolves the unanswered question regarding the eighth Doctor’s regeneration and confirms the most popular theory as to the identity of the unknown regeneration to be played by John Hurt in the upcoming special.  Sure, it’s a bit of a spoiler, but I don’t care.  All indications are that the anniversary special is going to be epic.

Have a great weekend.  Only eight days to go.

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