Ahoy there, matey’s.  ‘Tis I, Cap’n Kokkie, back from a day’s plunderin’ and fightin’.  I hope ye’ve had calm seas and enough black powder to see ye through this day.  I’m layin’ at anchor an’ waitin’ fer me buxom wench to return from her day ‘o lootin’ the City o’ Gold, an’ thought I’d share with ye a few thoughts regardin’ pirate weaponry.

The cutlass ‘as always been the pirate’s weapon ‘o choice.  Ye really can’t plunder without it.  In fact, I’ve seen pirates mad on bad grog charge the enemy with a cutlass in either paw.  Fer yer other hand, though, a good sharp dagger be more pract’cal – easy ter slip ‘tween yer enemy’s ribs when the fightin’ gets up close an’ pers’nal.

You’d also be wantin’ a pair o’ flintlock pistols.  While they’re only good fer one shot they can give ye the gap ye need, especially when tryin’ to board an enemy vessel.  O’ course ye can also use one as a club in a pinch.  Some buccaneers are partial to the hand-cannon.  It packs one mean punch an’ is highly effective at repellin’ boarders, but watch out fer that kick.

Pers’nally, I prefer…ye guessed it…a hammer.  While not a traditional pirate weapon, it was made famous by young Bill Turner, blacksmith turned pirate (ye can learn more of his tale in the wonderful doc’mentary titled Ye Curse o’ the Black Pearl).  The hammer be a versatile weapon, good fer both bashin’ an’ throwin’, an’ paired with a good sharp cutlass ye’ll have them landlubber runnin’ from port to starboard.  In a pinch ye can even stuff it down the barrel o’ a cannon an’ it will do some serious damage along its way.

But ultimately, ye use whatever ye can lay yer hands on, be it a fryin’ pan or yer shipmate’s peg leg, as long as ye win the loot at the end of the day.

That be it from me fer today.  Thar be a bottle o grog with me name on it waitin’ in me cabin an me wench’s ship is coming into harbour.  If it already be dark where ye be, enjoy the night’s drinkin’, gamblin’ an’ wenchin’, but remember ter keep to the code.  If ye still have sunlight left, hoist the colours, load the guns and prepare to come broadside.  There be treasure to loot.  Fer those of ye who have stormy weather on the horizon, drop anchor and ride it out.  The sun will shine again tomorrow.

Take what ye can, an’ give nothin’ back!

A note from the Cap’n

Why not head on over ter Cap’n Slappy an’ Ol’ Chumbucket’s webpage for more info on International Talk Like A Pirate Day.  There be fun pirate games an’ help fer ye lubbers who’d be wantin’ to learn to talk pirate.  While yer there, be sure ter take The Official Talk Like a Pirate Personality Inventory (TOTLAPPI).  My results be posted down below.  Also head over to me own Book ‘o Face page fer some Talk Like A Pirate Day videos an’ much more.

Here be me Pirate Profile

Profile: The Quartermaster (The ship’s disciplinarian).You, me hearty, are a man or woman of action! And what action it is! Gruesome, awful, delightful action. You mete out punishment to friend and foe alike – well, mostly to foe, because your burning inner rage isn’t likely to draw you a whole lot of the former. Still, though you may be what today is called “high maintenance” and in the past was called “bat-shit crazy,” the crew likes to have you around because in a pinch your maniacal combat prowess may be the only thing that saves them from Jack Ketch. When not in a pinch, the rest of the crew will goad you into berserker mode because it’s just kind of fun to watch. So you provide a double service – doling out discipline AND entertainment.

• A Bit Of Silliness